26. I’m HIV positive. Am I going to die?
Theme:
Living with HIV and AIDS
Relationships with family and community
Dear Auntie Stella
I’m an 18-year-old woman and I sell vegetables at a market. I just went for an HIV test and found out that I’m positive. I stay with my auntie because my mother is late and my father left when I was young. I’m too ashamed to tell her, or my friends or anyone at the market, because they often joke about people with AIDS. I also fear that my aunt will be very angry and also sad.
I can’t remember what the counsellor said at the VCT centre. What am I supposed to do now? Is there anything that can help me? Should I eat any special food? Are there special groups for HIV positive people? I was learning soap-making and other skills but can I continue now or should I just stop and get ready to die?
I don’t feel sick at all, but I’m so worried that I can’t eat or sleep properly. It feels as if my life is already over. I wanted to have an ordinary life – find someone to love, have children – but of course that can’t happen now. And must I stop having sex?
Sometimes I think it’s best to kill myself now than wait to die from AIDS. Auntie, please help me – there is no-one else I can talk to.
Charity